Love can be a lot of things, the love of family, lifelong friends, or that special someone. While I do think that Valentine’s Day is a good opportunity to show love in different ways and to show your most important people what they mean to you, this holiday is primarily about romantic partners, and that’s the type of gift giving I will talk about here. That said though, the points in this article can also be useful for any type of gift giving, so please read on. There is something here for everyone.

I’ve heard it said that Valentine’s Day is nothing but a commercial holiday, forcing us to spend money. I disagree. Life can get hectic, and stopping to show love and appreciation to our significant other by doing something out of the ordinary often falls by the wayside. That’s why I find it helpful to have a holiday like Valentine’s Day. It’s a set time that makes us stop and pay attention. It makes us take time to think about our special person, what they mean to us, and what we might do for them to make them happy.

I do agree that Valentine’s Day can be formulaic, with flowers, candy, dinner, and lingerie. It doesn’t have to be though. A great gift never comes from following a formula. Seeing Valentine’s Day as a series of boxes to check makes it just another item on our already-full to-do list. That’s no fun, and it’s certainly not the way we want to show love. Not to mention that receiving a gift that doesn’t show much thought won’t make a person feel as loved because it doesn’t show them that they are special. So what’s the solution?

Each couple is unique, as is their relationship, and as is each person within the couple. The key to being a thoughtful gift giver, or to planning a thoughtful and romantic evening together for that matter, is to show the person that you know them – to make them feel seen by you, and let them know that you get them. That means that the first step in creating a perfect Valentine’s Day is to stop and think about your person. What do they like? What are some of the most fun memories you have with them? What are their hopes and dreams? Then go from there. Side note: Pay attention to what they’ve been mentioning recently or if they have been dropping hints. Also, pay attention to what they admire when you are out shopping together. Seeing that you heard them can mean as much to them as the gift itself. All of these should give you a good starting point. From there it will be easier to come up with a gift or activity that’s somewhat out of the box that will be meaningful to you both as a couple.

One more thing. It’s a good idea to think about planning logistics to make sure everything goes off well. Firstly, do they like surprises, or would they prefer having something to look forward to? It’s important to keep the lines of communication open during the planning process. Even with a surprise, everyone needs to know what to expect, so they can be available and ready. Agree on a date and time for your plans and to exchange gifts. Discuss who is surprising whom, or if you’d rather make the plans together. That way you can avoid one person not being available at the right time or both of you having planned a surprise and having to choose between them. For my part, I love surprises, but I’m not likely to let a holiday go unplanned if I haven’t heard anything.

This way, your thoughtful evening and your thoughtful gift will have the desired effect, both of you will have a great time, and hopefully create another special memory for the two of you to look back on. For those whose Valentine’s Day will involve more of a Galentine’s evening, time with friends or with your kids, or even a little extra self-love, I hope these ideas help you too.

Happy Valentine’s Day to all!