It’s no secret. The earliest years of parenthood are a challenge. Caring for a little person who needs almost constant attention, while finding your feet in parenting along the way isn’t easy. It certainly helps that we were that strong and capable person we were when it all started. We rely on who we are and everything we’ve become up until that point, even as everything is changing. Then we may choose to add more little ones into the mix, and as I like to say, we level up. We rise to the challenge. We grow in ourselves, just as they grow right before our eyes. Eventually one day, as our youngest little one becomes more independent, we realize that the near constant attention is becoming less necessary. We feel a little room to breathe, and then we feel that space grow. Yes, we are leveling up again, and raising older children does bring new challenges of its own, but the hands-on is less, and we’re able to see ourselves more, in a way that we may not have had time for in quite a while.

I do realize that everyone’s parenting experience is different, but in general, especially among moms who have taken a step (or many steps) back from their career, there can be a sense of “Where does this leave me?” We may remember those years before kids and wonder what happened to that carefree young woman. We may look in the mirror and see that our faces and bodies probably reflect in some way that we have been though one of the most challenging decades of our lives. Don’t hear me wrong, I’m not saying that these years weren’t filled with joy and love and memories and experiences we would never trade. They absolutely were. But the challenges still take their toll. So who are we now?

Clearly we are not that same carefree young woman we were before kids. We have grown. We have become. Our hearts have stretched, as have our skills. I remember in my twenties feeling inexperienced, broke, and timid. Trying to establish myself as an adult in the world, yet unsure how to fit who I was into the world as it was. Twenty-something me may have been slimmer and more youthful, but I don’t want to be her again. I have the things she dreamed of. I am free of the weight she carried, of finding myself yet trying to fit in. I have been to my highest mountaintops and lowest valleys and back again. I know who I am and that carries more weight than trying to be what others expect or presume me to be. And I don’t apologize for that. My career industry may look a little different than last time I was in it full-time, but those changes are manageable. I am also free to direct my future in a new way while leveraging that experience if I choose to do so. Possibilities are open now and priorities change. I don’t have to be the same person professionally that I was when I finished college. Careers grow and change for everyone, with or without taking a break to focus on a young family.

This stage, with not-so-little-anymores, is a natural time for a new start. Especially since my kids are watching what I do and become. There is no need to wait for them to fly the nest before starting my next act. This is a great chance to model becoming something new and let them see how I go about it. They will see my successes and failures, and I hope they will be inspired to take steps to become the people they want to be. As well as them learning not to settle for the status quo or stagnate. And they will see that my time spent focusing on them wasn’t a setback, but a step forward.

So yes, parenthood changes us. It makes us at the same time stronger and more compassionate. Instead of one highly specialized skill set (or maybe in addition to it), we have a broad range of skills. We are organizational ninjas and expert negotiators. We manage and prioritize, and then turn on a dime when needed. We learn efficiency, with time and with money. We get it all done, at least the most important things. And we choose what those are. Instead of going back to who we were, we become someone new. Stronger and better, more compassionate and more beautiful, loved by and in love with the beautiful people we are raising.