So, what can I do for you today? Those are the words you hear each time when you sit down in your stylist’s chair. I always wondered how best to convey my wishes in a way that gets me a style that makes me feel beautiful when I walk out the door. The kind of beautiful where my husband needs to take me out that night because this kind of beauty shouldn’t be wasted on my couch and Netflix.

I also want my hair to look nice the next day, and after I shower, when the styling is limited by my own skill and angle. Hair always looks better when it’s done by someone behind your head than when it’s done by reaching your own arms up and back and basically working blind. But for most of us, the everyday looks we have are achieved by the latter method. So having a cut that works with us rather than against us is important.

This last time, when I sat down in the chair, I asked my stylist, Aubrey, what was the best way to ensure you get the perfect cut for your hair, needs and style. Aubrey was very generous with her advice, so I wanted to share it, because it’s a question a lot of us have.

The first thing I asked was about using industry terms. I usually ask for “long layers”. Apparently I’ve been using the term wrong for years. Probably this happened through a combination of incomplete advice and filling in the gaps with my own mistaken assumptions. I thought long layers meant long hair with layers. It actually refers to the difference in length between the shortest and longest layers.  That means that your shortest layer will hit a lot higher than your longest one, and the rest will be distributed between those. By contrast, short layers would be hair that is mostly one length but with some variation at the end.

The best way to get the haircut you want is to bring in a photo of yourself with your hair cut that way. That way it’s clear how that cut looks on your specific hair. If you want something similar but a little different, you can reference the photo and your own head in the mirror. You can say things like, “I’d like the shortest layer to hit here, and the longest, here.” Or you can point to your chin or shoulder to give an idea of the length you want. Even without the photo, referencing your own head in the mirror is the best way to communicate aspects of the style you are looking for.

If you don’t have a photo of yourself with the style you want, bringing a photo of someone else with that style can be helpful to describe what you want. Though it’s important to keep in mind that you won’t come out looking like that particular person. A lot can influence how a haircut looks, like hair volume and texture, as well as face shape. Sometimes a certain type of haircut isn’t suited for a certain type of hair. For example, I love the pictures of women with long, voluminous waves, but having hair on the finer side, that’s just not realistic for me.

This brings me to my next point. You can tell your stylist what you like and don’t like about your hair. Let them know if frizz is your constant battle, or if it does a weird thing when you part a certain way. Do you like shorter cuts but need to be able to tie it back sometimes? Details like these are important to share. You should also describe your styling routine. For example if you need your morning routine to be quick and low maintenance, you should mention that. If you are a blow dryer and round brush girl, let them know. If you are more into air-drying overnight, tell them that. Not only can they give you a cut that works best with your lifestyle, but they can give you tips on how to style and care for it.

Our last tip for getting the haircut you want is probably the most important. You should seek to establish a relationship with your stylist. Even if you’re on a tight budget and can’t go very often, you can still establish a relationship by going back to the same person. They keep notes, and will recognize you after a couple visits. Besides, it can take a little while to figure out if a cut works for you.

Checking out the finished result in the mirror is always a great moment. If it isn’t, tell your stylist and they can adjust it for you. However, the real test is once you’ve gone about your daily routine for a few days. Once you’ve seen how it washes, blow dries, styles, ties back, etc., you might have some tweaks you’d like to make for next time. Seeing the same stylist means you can refer back to “last time” when describing what you’d like done a little differently. I’ve got to the point with Aubrey where I can show her a picture of her own work and say, “this was great, do it again.”

It’s also nice to establish that relationship so they get to know who you are a little, and vice versa. It’s always nice to be recognized, and it can make for easier and more enjoyable conversation when you’re in the chair.

Finally, get them to take a picture. This way you’ll have the salon-finished result to show for next time. If you tried something unique or particularly great, they might even like a copy for their social media.

Thanks so much Aubrey for sharing your wisdom with us. You can find her on Instagram at @artistryby.aubs. I hope some of these ideas were helpful to you for next time you find yourself in the stylist’s chair. Until then, go and be your beautiful self – or as my 10-year-old would say, slay.